Living in the Shadow of Jesus

I have always wanted to be a SOMEBODY. An actress, singer, speaker, writer, world changer. I crave it, I see it, I am constantly moving towards it. My whole being is engulfed in the vision that God made me someone special. I move in and out of the reality that, today, I am just a NOBODY. I am no one special, I am like everyone else on this planet, trying to just make it through the day.

I was born into a family of a young woman and man, who had the odds stacked against them. My father, a product of rape, grew up in and out of foster homes in the 1960’s. He left the system at 16 years old and started on a journey of self-fulfillment, to become a SOMEBODY. This journey would consume the decisions he made in his life. My mother, grew up in San Diego, Ca, where racism was thick towards Mexican Americans. She committed herself to making something of herself, to prove that she was valuable. That she was more than the bullies and racially bias people said she was.

By the time I came into the picture, my parents lived in San Jose, Ca. My father was in the Air Force and worked at Lockheed. My mom started working at a startup company called Intel; as a semiconductor specialist. Both of my parents were smart, driven, focused and competitive. They would stop at nothing to ensure their vision to be a SOMEBODY, came to pass. My father climbed his way up the space aeronautics ladder and eventually worked at NASA as a rocket scientist engineer. My mom became a VP of her department in one of the largest DOT.com companies in the Bay Area, at the height of the internet boom. They both accomplished what they set out to do: BE A SOMEBODY; but not without consequences.

This drive to be a SOMEBODY, meant losing a lot to be successful. That included their marriage, a relationship with their children and their lives. Both of my parents died young. My mom died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 58 and my father died of a heart attack and lung cancer at the age of 60. My father was even more successful in his career than I knew when he was alive. He had countless accolades from the president of the United States, NASA, congressmen and astronauts. He received honorary college degrees and was nominated as the top 3 people in the nation to contribute to the NASA program. My dad was a SOMEBODY. Recently, I met an astronaut, who came to talk to some of the youth we work with. I told him my dad worked for NASA and told him his name. The astronaut gasped, “He is your dad? He was a huge part of NASA. His safety record was impeccable. Nothing got past your dad. If he said the space shuttle was not ready to go up, it didn’t go up. He made all of the astronauts feel safe, when he was in charge.”

The reality that you have no idea who your parents are is a loss all in itself. I did not have a positive relationship with either of my parents. Their new spouses kept us at arm’s length, ensuring that we would not affect their new lives. Yet, even still, both of my parents imprinted something in me that has become an internal struggle to this day… The importance of being a SOMEBODY. 

Being a SOMEBODY is the heartbeat of America. The American Dream, fame, fortune, get rich quick schemes rooted in the Gold Rush era. This epidemic has not escaped the American church. Young and old, the American church has embraced the mindset of being a SOMEBODY. Building their own “religious” kingdoms on earth, mega churches and para-churches alike have become the pinnacle of American Christianity. Yet, it is not without consequence. In the pursuit of being a SOMEBODY, humans are sacrificed to the “religious” machine that ensures “church growth.” The focus has become “self” and not “God.” The pursuit is “bigger and better,” to make a name for myself and become a SOMEBODY. Instead of becoming “less and submitted” to God’s will. The lies that are believed that being a SOMEBODY is the most important, has literally destroyed the church in America and has left our nation in a post-Christian posture that has churches closing its doors every day.

God, in His upside down kingdom reality, where the “first is last” and the “humble are exalted” delights in the NOBODIES. In fact, it was the NOBODIES that Jesus called to be the ones who carried the message to the ends of the earth, after He left. In this upside down kingdom reality, “when we decrease, Jesus increases.” When Jesus increases, people are set free, delivered, healed, encouraged, empowered and changed. When we say “YES” to being a NOBODY… we are actually becoming a SOMBODY- but in God’s time, in God’s purpose, in God’s great plan for this earth.

Today, as you ponder your next “ministry” move or “religious” strategy to “get more butts into those seats;” think on this:

Why not pray and ask the LORD what He is about, where He is moving, what His heart is for the church… and then partner with Him. Why not get those “butts out of the seats” and into the “streets” to be a visible representation of our Savior.

If you are already a NOBODY…PRAISE GOD!!! We need more of you. Keep doing what you are doing… Continue to be a SECRET AGENT OF GRACE that no one knows. Resist the temptation to be a SOMEBODY, by your own power; and allow God to grow you and guide you as a NOBODY, so that JESUS can shine though us as the only SOMEBODY that can really change this world.

This is my challenge. To resist the temptation to be a SOMEBODY, by my own power. I struggle daily to decrease. I struggle daily to be about God’s business and not my own.

This is the purpose of this blog. To encourage myself and others that being a NOBODY, and living in the SHADOW OF JESUS, is how we, in fact, become a SOMEBODY.